its friday

get even

Sensational Janine

This girl was supposed to come over my house and watch porn with me for about a month until she finally made it last night. She got her vagina waxed for the occasion as well. The movie to watch was Sensational Janine, a porn from the 70s.

The day she makes it over my house consisted of me throwing up spaghetti sauce all over Metropolitan Ave. a few times and sleeping in, burning up, feeling symptoms of the flu with cold sweats and everything. To the say the least, I wasn't really up to watching porn and fucking this girl all night. She texted me around 8 asking what time would be a good time to come over. For I was in and out of consciousness throughout the day I said after 11 to play it safe. I went back to bed for a while.

In one of those flu induced nightmares/dreams, I had the idea to film us having sex without her knowledge. I set up my video camera as discreetly as possible with my pajama pants over it and a light bulb in front to disguise the red light that comes on when its recording. Subtle, to say the least. I also had my digital camera setup on top of my monitor. A black camera on top of a white monitor; not as subtle but it takes HD video so there you go.

She arrived around midnight. I heard the knock on the door and get the cameras set up to record. I open the door and start making out with her before any introduction or conversation. I get her to the room and try to go straight to the sex. It didn't work out. After 6 minutes of talking, I get up and just grab the cameras and turn them off. She wasn't shocked or surprised or even mad that I was doing some peeping tom voyeuristic shit. She came with her own agenda anyway.

She pulled out a tape recorder and a release form which I had to sign. The roles got completely reversed in the matter of seconds and I was a little weirded out. Her intention was to interview me while we had sex and watched porn. After I signed the release, I put on Sensational Janine and sat back on my bed a little freaked out. I didn't put the cameras back on.

I was feeling sick again and not horny in the least. For the first twenty minutes of the movie my penis was very limp. Janine was fucking dudes with her shirt on and the busts would barely last that long so it wasn't very sensual to begin with and I was getting increasingly more worried watching a porn with a pretty random chick hearing the clicks of a tape recorder recording everything I said. When Janine's breasts were exposed for the first time in the movie was the time I figured I should just fuck this girl to get it over with. In true Sensational Janine fashion, I fucked her with her top on and I came in like 30 seconds.

To say the least she was pissed. "I got my shit waxed for this and you didn't even look and we barely even fucked." I obliged to her request to look at the work that got done on her and o man was that a mistake. Looking at vagina by itself is gross enough but this chick waxed half of her shit leaving a mustache and a half drawn head on the side looking like a macho libre, her vagina being the mouth and a slurpee drawn out of her pussy lips. True story. I felt the urge to vomit again but I didn't to not be rude.

At this point I was completely over our time together but simultaneously very into the movie. The movie itself is weird as hell. There are rape scenes, incest, and a priest who can literally make his penis move like a snake. I tried my hardest to just zone her out and pay attention to the flick and like that it abruptly ended with Janine promoting a part 2 that in fact never came out which sucks. I was left in a bind. I knew this girl was not going anywhere, I didn't want to fuck her again, and I wasn't tired. In haste, I put on The Room, my favorite horrible movie of all time thinking it would bore her to sleep. Wrong. I was wrong.

As it turns out, this girl loves The Room so much she immediately started quoting everything from the movie and a few lines over and over and over again. I was very happy about that and my head started to hurt again. I laid in her Mexican faced lap and told her to give me a head rub which she did which was awesome, thank you. Then she said she interviewed the writer/director, Tommy Wiseau, which made me very jealous. I felt my heart pounding in my brain. She continued to rub and that was relieving.

I somehow made it to the end of the movie alive. Told her I was extremely exhausted for I've been up all night recording vocals over Sonic the Hedgehog music. She understood and got naked. I figured I should do the same and obviously we ended up having sex again. I think I lasted at least 4 times longer than our first encounter which made me sleep peacefully.

We woke up at 10 and fucked again and waited for her to leave to puke out of my asshole for 15 minutes.

Let Bruce Bruce hit it

always on my mind

cocaine is a hell of a drug

relax on all the coke, chill , drink, smoke , listen to this shit

OJ the Killer

went to a show of polaroids from the 70s........this one and Lou Reed

sugaslim mixtape--- shuga's trattoria ..pizza?...true

http://rs546.rapidshare.com/files/377769824/sugaslim_mixtape_full.m4a

the Sandy Kim Porn

Sandy Kim was recently on tour with Girls and Smith Westerns...... On tour she got coaxed into doing some bathroom sex..... this is what happened

job interview in crown heights

I get a call when i'm completely wasted about coming in for an interview at this boutique in crown heights. The next day i go there and see 4 cops out in front of the store. I pay no mind and walk in.. Next thing i see is the guy getting slammed to the ground hand cuffed..people start flying out of homes and stores taking pictures of the whole escapade .... it turns out the dude getting arrested owns the store i was there to get interviewed to work at... i was told to come back tommorow.

king of white boy food stamps

SXSW '10

had a blast down here, right now i'm stranded in a hotel outside texas but hopefully i will be picked up soon. I saw Gwar which was the most brutal show ever, met my idol/hero Bill Murray, drank for 24 hours straight, got an sunburn, woke up on the women's bathroom floor of the 4 Seasons.......jeeez just to name a few, shit . i'll be back with photos and more in depth commentary or whatevs....... hopefully i be back in new york by the weekend

photo boooth

THE UKRAIINNNNEEE!!!!

cocainee, skeezas, and a tranny!!!!!!!!!! and skateboarding!!!!!!!!! the fucking Ukraine!

A1 sauce nigga

Karate Kid rant while drinking sizzurp

i drank legit sizzurp last night for the first time; you know codeine sprite jolly rancher vodka.. the stuff dirty south rap guys be drinking. Smoked some L's and killed a bottle of that shit and watched every karate kid ever made. Let me tell ya; karate kid rules. regardless if you're inebriated or not, elizabeth shue , ralph machio, mr. miyagi, the soundtrack, the style.... all rules. lets start from the begining/


so Danelson (Ralphy Machio) moves from Jersey to cali, immediately charms some chick, gets into some shit with her ex man cuz he's jealous of that jersey slim charma shit (and ralphy plays it up very well i might add), then ends up kicking that dude in his face via the crane technique, which to me looks blockable but Danielson's sansei , Mr. Miyogi, says its impenetrable but whatever, its a movie..
Elisabeth Shue, the underage girl of my dreams, shows off her maturing body in her very first scene on the beach. That blue one piece with the little white girl butt,,, mm mm mmmmm scrumptious. I immediately fell in love with this girl as she fell for the karate kid as they exchanged glances in the sand. Then the bully ( Mr. Lawrence) , who also is babygirl's ex boyfriend , comes and kicks Danielson's ass.. ha played.... but is he reeally played??
first of all, this kid is from Newark New Jersey... fuckin brick city new jersey..Newark kids are fly dudes who fuck niggaz up , smoke dust, and charm chicks.

Granted, he did get his shit rocked in front of this brand new pussy he's trying to charm but he did trying to stand up for her honor! Mr. Lawrence came, took babygirl's radio, smashed it, then mr. karate kid came in like yo nigga, whats good with that shit , yaknow?? At that point, I knew, win or lose, babygirl was his puss all the way.

Holy shit, Elisabeth Shue's early high school flirt game is to die for... From then on, after the sandy beat down, babygirl was crushin on young danielson hard body. She runs up to him at gym class , cut off sweatshirt , sweet mesh shorts showing off her bodacious california legs and steals his soccer ball and bounces it off her legs and knees and shit just to prove to him that he taught her something at the beach being the true soccer rocker that he is!(and to show off those milky ass thighs too i guess) Then, there's a scene that almost gives me a boner. The scene when she sees him in the lunchline, gets out of line, runs up next to him and just says hi all cute like sorta biting her lip a little bit because her pussy gets a little wet just being next to him is fuckin wowzers.. I'm sitting on my couch leaning the fuck out with just a huge fuckin grin rewinding that 3 second scene like eight times.. and her hair all curled out, her mini skirt, her overall style i could just jerk off all over that scene ..




The cobra kai's (Mr. Lawrence and his possse) are dustheads. They start the movie out being relatively calm, beating on Danielson every now and again and actually yelling at Mr. Lawrence once for beating D-son up too bad! That all changes at the Halloween dance when, in my mind, Mr. Lawrence puts the crew onto a little thing called angel dust. Mr. Lawrence is in the bathroom rolling up a blunt in the bathroom stall with his headphones on blasting!! My friend was trying to tell me he was just rolling a joint or some shit but what kind of pothead rolls a spliff in the school bathroom with their i pod on full volume and no look out! thats a fuckin dusthead move right there! unfortunately for the crew though, they didn't get the chance to get shermed that night for Danielson drenched Mr. Lawrence while he was rockin out rolling the thing drooling all over himself. so of course they rolled out to fuck that nigga up for ruining the L and Mr. Lawrence was fuckin pissed! That was the last night the cobra kais took it easy on Danielson. The transition is incredible. From that point on, the cobra kais start talking mad shit, get mad aggro over nothing, and say the most random dumb shit that makes not a lot of sense. For example, Danielson and baby girl walk by the crew one day in the quad and one of the kais says "what is it, take a worm for a walk day?" what the fuck? are you serious,, my man's thinkin about sherm so much that he incorporates random bullshit disses that ryme with his new favorite thing in the world and swears that his nonsense is profound and deep and hurtful. Classic dusthead shit! Another Cobra Kai, bleaches his hair (and eyebrows, mind you) and harbors a new found hatred for Danielson. earlier in the flick, this newly bleached dude would almost protect Danielson against Mr. Lawrence but now initiates a lot of the contact. Another symptom of getting wet. Thank you Mr. Lawrence for getting the rest of your friends into smoking dust.