Shuga's Big Adventure: May 2010

This girl was supposed to come over my house and watch porn with me for about a month until she finally made it last night. She got her vagina waxed for the occasion as well. The movie to watch was Sensational Janine, a porn from the 70s.

The day she makes it over my house consisted of me throwing up spaghetti sauce all over Metropolitan Ave. a few times and sleeping in, burning up, feeling symptoms of the flu with cold sweats and everything. To the say the least, I wasn't really up to watching porn and fucking this girl all night. She texted me around 8 asking what time would be a good time to come over. For I was in and out of consciousness throughout the day I said after 11 to play it safe. I went back to bed for a while.

In one of those flu induced nightmares/dreams, I had the idea to film us having sex without her knowledge. I set up my video camera as discreetly as possible with my pajama pants over it and a light bulb in front to disguise the red light that comes on when its recording. Subtle, to say the least. I also had my digital camera setup on top of my monitor. A black camera on top of a white monitor; not as subtle but it takes HD video so there you go.

She arrived around midnight. I heard the knock on the door and get the cameras set up to record. I open the door and start making out with her before any introduction or conversation. I get her to the room and try to go straight to the sex. It didn't work out. After 6 minutes of talking, I get up and just grab the cameras and turn them off. She wasn't shocked or surprised or even mad that I was doing some peeping tom voyeuristic shit. She came with her own agenda anyway.

She pulled out a tape recorder and a release form which I had to sign. The roles got completely reversed in the matter of seconds and I was a little weirded out. Her intention was to interview me while we had sex and watched porn. After I signed the release, I put on Sensational Janine and sat back on my bed a little freaked out. I didn't put the cameras back on.

I was feeling sick again and not horny in the least. For the first twenty minutes of the movie my penis was very limp. Janine was fucking dudes with her shirt on and the busts would barely last that long so it wasn't very sensual to begin with and I was getting increasingly more worried watching a porn with a pretty random chick hearing the clicks of a tape recorder recording everything I said. When Janine's breasts were exposed for the first time in the movie was the time I figured I should just fuck this girl to get it over with. In true Sensational Janine fashion, I fucked her with her top on and I came in like 30 seconds.

To say the least she was pissed. "I got my shit waxed for this and you didn't even look and we barely even fucked." I obliged to her request to look at the work that got done on her and o man was that a mistake. Looking at vagina by itself is gross enough but this chick waxed half of her shit leaving a mustache and a half drawn head on the side looking like a macho libre, her vagina being the mouth and a slurpee drawn out of her pussy lips. True story. I felt the urge to vomit again but I didn't to not be rude.

At this point I was completely over our time together but simultaneously very into the movie. The movie itself is weird as hell. There are rape scenes, incest, and a priest who can literally make his penis move like a snake. I tried my hardest to just zone her out and pay attention to the flick and like that it abruptly ended with Janine promoting a part 2 that in fact never came out which sucks. I was left in a bind. I knew this girl was not going anywhere, I didn't want to fuck her again, and I wasn't tired. In haste, I put on The Room, my favorite horrible movie of all time thinking it would bore her to sleep. Wrong. I was wrong.

As it turns out, this girl loves The Room so much she immediately started quoting everything from the movie and a few lines over and over and over again. I was very happy about that and my head started to hurt again. I laid in her Mexican faced lap and told her to give me a head rub which she did which was awesome, thank you. Then she said she interviewed the writer/director, Tommy Wiseau, which made me very jealous. I felt my heart pounding in my brain. She continued to rub and that was relieving.

I somehow made it to the end of the movie alive. Told her I was extremely exhausted for I've been up all night recording vocals over Sonic the Hedgehog music. She understood and got naked. I figured I should do the same and obviously we ended up having sex again. I think I lasted at least 4 times longer than our first encounter which made me sleep peacefully.

We woke up at 10 and fucked again and waited for her to leave to puke out of my asshole for 15 minutes.